


Posthumous Forgiveness

by Lillington_x



Category: Days Gone (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23057140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lillington_x/pseuds/Lillington_x
Summary: Just a slightly different AU because I couldn’t bring myself to break up Deacon & Sarah, but this game gave me so many ideas.
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

Friday nights were the best nights at Iron Mike’s encampment. Everyone was in a good mood, even Skizzo. Tyler was strumming away at his guitar and singing to the small crowd standing around him, their bodies slightly swaying to his rhythm. I rest my elbows on the wooden banister in front of me and gazed out at the thick haze covering the surface of Lost Lake. The sounds of crickets were about as loud as Tyler. With half the world’s population wiped, nature had began to make it its business to reclaim what was once rightfully its own. A moth landed on the rail beside my hand. As I raised a palm to swipe my hair behind my ear, it flew away.

“Tessa?”

I turned around to find Skizzo looking at me, eyes wide and jaw slack. He was paler than usual.

“What is it? What’s happened?” I immediately was on pins and needles. These days, anything could happen. We had just thwarted a group of runners this morning before sunrise. What was next?

“Addy needs you in the infirmary,” he quietly let out. I pushed away from the rail and started walking in stride with him across the camp. He never answered my question. I just watched his jaw clench then un-clench over and over. Something was wrong.

“Is someone hurt?” I pressed the issue. Rikki came rushing out of the infirmary as we drew near. She saw me and made it her business to quickly pull the doors shut tight behind her.

“Tessa, hey. Can I speak to you in my garage for a sec?” she hurriedly let out. I looked to Skizzo then her and my brows furrowed together.

“Where’s Addy? Is my sister okay?” I urged.

“Addy’s fine. I just need to talk to you over here about-“

One of the infirmary doors opened and a face I hadn’t seen in a long time stepped out. Skizzo took a few steps back and Rikki ran a hand over her face with a deep exhale.

“What’s all the ruckus out here? Don’t you know there’s a bunch of people resting inside?”

“B-Boozer?” I stuttered, shock setting in on my nerves.

“Hey Tess,” he greeted with a shy smile. I gawked at him, frozen where I stood while my heart rate began to climb. Everyone’s eyes were on me, waiting and watching. I blinked a few times to clear my vision as my eyes grew bleary with tears.

“Boozer... you’re...” I lost my breath for a second.

“Alive, yeah. What’s it been? Four months?”

“Seven,” I corrected him. I took a step forward and swallowed hard. “It's been seven months.”

He pulled me in for a tight hug.

“I thought something bad had happened. We heard on the radio about an attack at the lake, then we couldn’t get a hold of any one on any channel,” he explained. I stared over his shoulder at the infirmary doors. I had caught the “we” in his sentence. Goosebumps dotted my skin and I shuddered then pushed away from his grasp.

“Tessa...” Rikki warned.

“Is he in there?” I turned my eyes up to the man who I had once considered a best friend. “Is he alright?”

Boozer turned to Rikki with eyes that screamed for help. He knew what I was talking about.

“Come on, Tess,” Rikki spoke up, giving my arm a gentle tug. My stomach was in knots. It had been over half a year since I had seen him. Six months since I had heard his voice over the radio. Five months since I had been forced to give up on looking for him every day. I had been given an ultimatum that almost resulted in me dying from exhaustion.

“We tried to come back sooner, Tess. I swear. The hordes. They just kept pushing us further north. The snow got heavy so we had to wait it out from the other side of the border. It wasn’t pretty up there either,” Boozer explained.

“I wanna see him,” I urged, voice cracking. I was close to begging now. I was worried and angry and if I didn’t do something about it soon, I felt as though I would explode. The infirmary door opened and Addy stepped outside. She held a towel in her hands. I could just make out a bit of blood she had wiped away. Oh god.

“Let her in,” my sister ordered.

“Addy, no. Not yet,” Rikki insisted.

“You know how she can be,” Skizzo spoke up. Rikki cut her eyes at him.

“Then why did you tell her?” she hissed.

“Skizz didn’t tell me anything. He said Addy wanted to see me,” I huffed.

“I do. C’mon Tess,” Addy called. “And you William.”

Boozer pushed inside and held the door open for us. The air inside the infirmary was humid and smelled of old blood. Neighbors and friends, new and old, lie on cots covered with bandages or rags. My sister led the way through the small room. Against the back wall, there was a cot Deacon sat on. I stopped dead in my tracks a few feet away and stared in disbelief. My sister hunched in front of him and started tugging at bandages on his left arm.

“I’m fine, Addy. Really. You don’t have to look after me. Where’s Tessa? Does she know we’re back yet?” he quietly asked.

“Skizzo made sure of that,” she answered.

“What a slime bag. I wanted to surprise her,” he complained.

“Hell of a surprise, man,” Boozer let out from behind me, making me jump. Deacon finally looked up and we locked eyes. I felt a dozen different emotions at once but he just sent me a small, weak smile.

“Tess,” he quietly said, a bit of relief in his voice. Boozer nudged me forward. As I got closer, I eyed the bandages wrapped around his left arm. His sleeve was torn almost to shreds and dark with blood.

“Runners,” Boozer stated as he caught on to my gaze. “They caught up to us as we were leaving a Ripper camp.”

“One of em knocked me right off my bike then took a couple bites out of my arm,” Deacon explained.

“We had a fight with a few of them trying to make their way through the marsh this morning, didn’t we Tessa?” Addy had slipped venom into her tone and I finally noticed her eyes were fixed on me. I un-clenched my fists and relaxed my shoulders, blinking away from Deacon.

“Yeah,” I rubbed my eyes and turned away. “About four of them...just stalking up through the reeds and... uh, I need some air.”

I marched through the cabin and threw my shoulder against the heavy, reinforced door to get outside. I took a seat at a weathered picnic table only to push to my feet and start pacing. My hands were trembling. My eyes were burning. How did he think he could just come back? He was lying about the hordes pushing them north. I could feel it. He and Boozer were so gotdamn good at lying to everyone else but I always saw through it. They had already been pushing their luck with Iron Mike and I had humiliated myself enough. I know what they had had in mind and now they thought they could just come back? HE thought he could just come back?

“You’re okay, sis. You are okay,” came Addy’s soft voice. She placed her hands on my shoulders from behind and spun me around to face her. Her voice was soft but her eyes were focused.

“I can’t believe you let him in like he did nothing wrong,” I shakily let out.

“It’s what I do. I take care of hurt people. You know that. His brother came driving up to the gate like a bat outta hell with him hunched over his back, blood everywhere. I couldn’t turn them away,” she explained.

“If Iron Mike finds out about-“

“Don’t start with me. This isn’t about Mike right now. This is about you. I need to make sure you’re okay and if you’re gonna be okay with knowing he’s here. Cause he’s staying, Tess.”

“Addy, no,” I rolled my eyes. “I’m a grown woman.”

“A grown woman whose boy toy strung her along until he spat in her face right before he and his buddy suddenly packed up during the middle of the night and disappeared into a desolate wasteland for over half a year. I’m not dumb, Contessa. Are you going to be okay with this?”

I shrugged and let out a deep breath to steady my chin. “Do I have much of a choice?”

“Not this time,” she gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze and the corners of her mouth turned upward into a pleading smile. “Why don’t you turn in early? I know this wasn’t expected and you have an early morning of marsh duty tomorrow.”

I groaned then nodded.

“Alright. I gotta get back inside and quickly finish up a few things before Rikki makes me sleep on the sofa tonight. I love you,” Addy explained.

“Yeah. Love you too.” I shook my head and loped through the grass toward my small cabin on the edge of the west side of the lake. I passed by Skizzo who was seated on the stairs of Iron Mike’s large cabin with a walkie talkie in his hand.

“You gonna make it?” He called to me.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Good,” he scoffed. “Hate for you to miss work in the morning and have to skip a meal.”

“Goodnight to you too, Skizz,” I called over my shoulder before slamming my cabin door behind me.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun was beginning to rise and I had barely slept an hour. I tossed and turned under my thin blanket then paced back and forth under my roof before finally settling with sitting in a chair by the window and watching the sun rays begin to kiss the surface of the lake as it rose above the mountain ridge. The squeak and groan of doors opening then closing as the other campers began moving about meant the start of the day had arrived. Everyone relaxed a little more when the sun was out. It meant the Freakers were weaker and more of them had hidden to hibernate until sundown.

I had just stepped into my tall rubber boots when a knock came at my door.

“Who is it?”

The door creaked and Boozer poked his head in.

“I know that face anywhere. You didn’t get much sleep, did you?” He tried.

“What’s it to you?” I hissed as I dug through an old bag. "Welcome back, by the way."

“I get why you’re angry, Tessa. You got every right to be, but I want you to know it wasn’t Deek’s idea to leave. It-” he sighed and shrugged. “It was mine. After so much time on the road, this settled life was kinda boring. It drives me up a wall, but you know whatever I do, Deacon feels like he has to be part of it. It’s what it means to be a brother, to be part of a brotherhood.”

“You know what, Boozer? Your brotherhood shouldn’t mean a thing when it’s the end of the world. What’s your point?” I asked with a shake of my head.

“My point is: if you’re gonna be mad at anyone, it shouldn’t be Deacon. It should be me,” he confessed.

“I’m not just _mad_ ,” I said through my teeth. “It’s… It’s hard seeing you two again when it had been so solid in my head that you were more than likely dead out there. Iron Mike held a meeting and everything. There was a memorial put up for a while before someone tore it down and called you traitors.”

“Traitors? What’d they start saying that for?” Boozer asked with a frown of disgust.

“Chatter on the radio got around that the two of you had ditched Lost Lake to help other encampments. I’m surprised Iron Mike even let the two of you back in. There’s a bounty on your heads outside these walls,” I explained.

“Well he wasn’t easy to bribe. Trust me,” Boozer sighed.

“Is that all you wanted? To have a secret powwow and try to get me back in you and Deek’s good graces?”

“You’re not entirely wrong. I actually came to you with a favor,” he stated. An incredulous laugh escaped me and I placed my hands on my hips then started for the door.

“I don’t have time for this. I have to get to work.”

“It’s for Deacon,” he added. My fingers wrapped around the doorknob but I didn’t turn it. I slowly turned to face the man and stood nose to nose with him.

“No offense, Boozer,” my voice was much lower and colder. “But Deacon can go fuck himself. I don’t give a damn about him or anything that he needs.”

“Then do it for me then, okay? I need you to ride with me just a little ways north of here. We had to leave his bike behind after the attack and I need someone to drive it back here before the wrong people find it then tear it apart. I know he told you how much trouble he and I went through after he lost his first bike. Come on, Tessa. Please? For me?” he begged. He poked out his bottom lip and frowned a bit. I couldn’t take his pout seriously with his face weathered and worn beneath his head full of tattoos.

“Skizzo’s gonna kill me,” I huffed, throwing myself down in a chair then peeling off the tall rubber boots and tossing them in the corner. “We’ll be back before sundown?”

“A little after noon. I got your back,” he reassured. I laced up my worn work boots and followed him out of my home toward his bike parked behind the still empty garage. Rikki was at her post yet, making our departure just slightly easier.

“How exactly do you plan on getting out of here?” I asked.

“You know me. I’ve eyed a few things already,” he answered as he took a seat on his bike. “And if you didn’t like to negotiate so much, we could’ve been outta here before half the camp was awake.”

I rolled my eyes and hoisted my leg over the back of his bike. He swiped up the kickstand and held the weight of the vehicle steady beneath him. It had been months since I had been on a motorcycle. How did he expect me to drive one back?

“Boozer, I don’t think this is such a-“

The bike lurched forward as he kick-started the engine and gave it some gas. My arms hurriedly wrapped around his torso and I tucked my feet onto the bars on either side beneath my small seat. He inched down the small pathways weaving through the camp until he came to the raggedy east dock. The one guard on duty for now expectantly stood up from the chair at his post, sleepily rubbing his eyes. Boozer stopped us and handed the man a small sack he fished out of a pocket on the side of his bike. The guard peeked inside the sack, nodded approvingly to himself then moved to the side so we could pass. Boozer walked us down the narrow dock across the shallow water.

“Let me guess. Freaker ears?” I suggested.

“People will do some crazy things for camp credits,” he shrugged.

“Is it true? You and Deacon helped other encampments while the two of you were gone?”

“Does it matter? You worried about us betraying you and Lost Lake? Cause come on, Tessa. I wouldn’t do that to you. Not intentionally no way.”

“Not the two of you. What if the people you helped get jumpy and try to take us over?” I proposed. He chuckled.

“Folks like us have more dangerous things to worry about trying to wipe us out of the picture than other folks,” he claimed. As we neared the end of the dock, we rolled past a half dozen snarling Freakers wriggling and struggling in the deep mud.

“Skizzo’s gonna be so pissed,” I muttered to myself before Boozer kicked up the engine again that sent us speeding up the sandy bank and onto the paved road. The early morning air was cool as it whipped past us. My hair danced around my head as I scrunched up my face against it. It was nice to finally get out of the camp. The months just consisted of days spent on marsh, infirmary, guard, armory, and kitchen duty on rotation and much of those times were just spent sitting and waiting, silently hoping for something exciting to happen like hearing Iron Mike yell at Skizzo and in turn, Skizzo yelling at someone who had done nothing wrong. It had become routine.

We passed rundown vehicles, abandoned farms, truck stops full of Newts, and empty gas stations. Doe and buck watched us pass by from their places standing on the edge of the tree line and bushes. Bodies of monsters and humans were everywhere. After long enough, you got used to the sight and the smell. Freakers wandered the roads, clawing and digging at anything they touched. A few of them would start after us but with Boozer never taking his hand off the throttle, they quickly lost interest once we were out of range. My eyes danced back and forth from either side of the road, nervously anticipating an ambush or a glimpse of the ambusher’s smoke-trailed camps. I knew they had to still be out here. I hadn’t seen one in a long time. Unless… Boozer and Deacon had really been busy on the road.

“It’s just up ahead,” Boozer called over his shoulder. I had driven myself to Marion Forks so many times when I went out alone. The area still looked the same. Boozer slowed his bike so the engine grew quieter. A bright red streak of blood was swiped across the back of an abandoned ambulance. This was fresher than most of the blood splattered across the wasteland.

“Is that Deacon’s?” I solemnly asked. He nodded. We rounded the ambulance and the corpse of a Runner laid in the road. There was a large bullet hole in its side and it’s head.

“Yeah. This is the one that knocked him off his bike. I got it off him then we hauled ass. Come on. I don’t wanna stay here long. The other two ran off to who the hell knows where and don’t get me started on the Rippers,” Boozer explained. A few yards away, Deacon’s custom motorcycle was lying on its side in the road. There was blood on the fuel tank. Boozer hopped off his own bike to help me push it upright and I squinted at the bobbing hand on top of the tank.

“Got enough gas to just make it back,” I let out. “No pit stops.”

“You remember how to ride? Like Deacon taught you?” Boozer questioned. I momentarily closed my eyes then sighed.

“It hasn’t been THAT long.”

“Ride in front of me, just in case.”

“I know what I’m doing,” I retorted.

“I didn’t say you didn’t. I don’t want to ride off without you cause something happened and I didn’t see it cause you were behind me!”

I stared at him, surprised at his tone, and he lowered his head.

“What happened to Deacon was my fault. I told him to race me. I wanted to shake things up after a slow day, but I wasn’t paying attention to him. I was focused on trying to beat him here and I did, but when I turned around… They were on him, trying to tear him to shreds. I just don’t want people I care about to get hurt. I can’t lose anymore people. Understand, Tessa?”

“You got it,” I quietly agreed. I straddled Deacon’s motorcycle and sent my friend a stern look, reassuring him that I knew what I was doing. He returned to his bike and we kick-started both our engines. I quickly familiarized myself with the bike as we cruised through the small town. The blood on the fuel tank was bothering me but I tried not to look down, focusing on the open road ahead as we merged back onto the wider paths. Boozer’s bike sputtered on just behind me and I caught myself glancing down at the blood. He was beating himself up inside, I knew it. He was covered in tattoos and could be mean as hell, but he had the biggest heart for the people closest to him. It wasn’t exactly his fault but no matter what anyone said, he would always carry it as his own.

Even with the wind, I could smell the blood. Deacon’s injury hadn’t looked bad enough to warrant this much blood, but I hadn’t been able to look at him long. Most of his forearm had been wrapped in gauze and tape. Maybe some of the blood belonged to the Runner. Knowing Boozer, he had put it down with his shotgun slugs that slung blood everywhere.

Without the sights and the wind tearing past as we got off the open road and neared the front gate, I finally started to think about how much trouble I would probably be in. I could smell lunch cooking, a lunch I wouldn’t be enjoying. I frowned as my stomach growled. It wasn’t all bad though. Feeling the wind in my hair and seeing something outside the walls of the camp felt freeing. I could almost understand why the two of them had left.

“Well well well. If it ain’t who we’ve all been looking for,” came Skizzo’s voice. The both of us stopped just outside the closed gate and glared up at Skizzo perched up in one of the guard towers. He signaled for us to be let inside and someone started pulling the gate open. Addy was standing in the middle of the road with her hands planted firmly on her hips.

“Think you got enough ears to calm her down?” I mumbled in Boozer’s direction.

“You’d need a couple hordes for that one,” Boozer shot back before tucking his head as we approached.

“What the hell, Contessa? Are you out of your mind? What is this? What were you thinking?” Addy shrieked.

“I’m alright. I’m back now,” I said with a dismissive wave. “Boozer needed my help.”

“You don’t just up and run off like that! You have responsibilities here. And you.” She turned to Boozer and pointed a stiff finger right in his chest. “You don’t just show up and start doing whatever you want, William. There are still rules and if you wanna be welcomed back here, you have to follow them. You don’t take my sister and disappear!"

“No one MADE her do anything. She’s a grown woman. All I did was ask and she obliged. Like she said, we’re back now and we’re okay. Now, who’s ready for some chow?” Boozer insisted, leaning on the handlebars of his bike.

“Chow is the last thing on your list,” Skizzo pointed to Boozer then me. “And it’s definitely the last thing on yours.”

He descended from the tower using the ladder and stepped up to our group discussion.

“You got hours of work to make up before you even get a fork, spoon, or spork put in your hand. I warned you last night. Your little boyfriend’s return doesn’t change how we run things around here. Put this piece of junk in the garage and get to the marsh,” Skizzo ordered me with a kick at Deacon’s front tire. He turned to Addy. “Don’t you got an infirmary to run?”

She stormed off with a huff and a roll of her eyes.

“And you?” Skizzo waved at Boozer. “Iron Mike wants you and your drifter brother in his office. Hop to it.”

Skizzo and I were left standing alone, squinting at one another under the sun peaking from behind a few clouds.

“Marsh duty til lights out,” he stated. I didn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he had ruined the rest of my day. I quietly headed back to my place to get back into my rubber boots so I could spend the next couple of hours wading in the muck.


	3. Chapter 3

Frogs croaked loudly from every direction as I trudged through the last bit of marsh I had to cover for work. Torches were lit along the fence running the perimeter of our encampment, the lights casting long shadows from the guards pacing their posts and keeping watch. 

As I neared the eastern dock, a freaker reared its head up from a spot nearly hidden underneath the wooden planks. It was a woman who had long since become unrecognizable. Her flesh sagged off the bone. She was rotting and hissing, her teeth bared as her lips had been torn away from her face. With a sharp movement, I sunk my knife into her skull and she stopped making noise. She began to sink into the muck. 

I hoisted myself up onto the dock and sat down on an empty barrel someone had left behind. The sun was completely gone and the bright stars twinkled in the indigo sky above. I tugged at the canteen on my hip and took a couple deep swigs of water. My head was pounding. I needed to eat but I knew that wouldn’t be until breakfast. It was a stern punishment but I smiled to myself as I recalled the feeling of the wind blowing through my hair while Boozer and I zoomed along on the motorcycles. My now-gloved hands were still sore, not from working the marsh, but from gripping the handle bars of the motorcycle so tightly. It felt good to be on a bike again, especially the one I had first learned to ride. It came back naturally. I almost wanted to go for another ride.

“You finished yet?” came a voice from behind me, breaking the serene silence I had been engulfed in for most of the evening. I closed my eyes and blew out a slow, deep breath. 

“Brought ya something,” he added. I heard the sound of footsteps on the weathered wood beneath us then a brown paper bag tapped against my left shoulder. 

“You know I can’t have that, Deacon. If Skizz catches me, I’m stuck on extra duty for a day,” I explained.

“Fuck him. You’ll be useless when you wake up in the morning with low blood sugar. Here. Take it as a thank you gift.”

I stood and snatched the bag from his grasp. The corner of his mouth was fighting the urge to smile as I finally faced him. It was his first good look at me in months and I was covered in old freaker blood and mud. I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes. I shook my head and rummaged through the paper bag. A bologna sandwich, one green apple, and a bottled water.

“Where’d you get this?”

“Addy brought it to me for dinner but I wasn’t hungry.”

“Speaking of Addy, shouldn’t you be resting in the infirmary?” I asked, gesturing to the bandaged arm he was nursing close to his side.

“What? Don’t want to talk to me anymore?” he asked.

I let out an incredulous laugh, heart racing. I was pissed. I wanted to scream and shove him off the dock and into the mud. I wanted to be able to look him in the face and not feel a half dozen emotions.

“You’re a piece of work, Saint John. You know that? I’m going to bed.” I brushed past him to head to my cabin.

“Did I say something wrong?” Deacon called after me. 

“You’re welcome for fetching your bike back!” I shouted over my shoulder. I heard his footsteps hustle to catch up with me.

“You didn’t have to do that for me,” he said.

“I didn’t. I did it for Boozer.”

He frowned. “If that helps you sleep better at night, go for it.”

“It sure does,” I snapped back. “Goodnight.” I slammed the door to my cabin in his face. He muttered something I could barely hear then I heard him kicking pebbles as he walked away.

“I see you got your dinner,” Addy spoke up from her spot leaning against the bathroom door jamb. 

“Jesus,” I complained, a hand flying to my chest. “You scared the hell out of me.”

“I knew he wouldn’t eat that,” she nodded at the bag I was holding.

“Why are you in here? Swear I’m not lying for you if Rikki comes knocking.”

“You don’t have to. I just wanted to check on you after the adventure you took with Boozer this morning,” she claimed. 

“Uh huh. I’m fine.” I pried out of the boots then took a seat on a stool by a counter to start in on the bologna sandwich. My feet were throbbing and my legs were so glad I had finally sat down. Addy slowly made her way across the room with her arms crossed over her chest. I raised an eyebrow expectantly. 

“You know, Deacon asked me about you today,” she revealed.

“Tell him to mind his business,” I retorted.

“He wanted to know if you had been seeing anyone else since he’d been gone,” she explained. I laughed out loud.

“Oh yeah? I’m not the one with someone else’s name tattooed on my neck. I can do as I please.” My attitude was seething. Addy winced.

“I know some old wounds have been reopened but  that was a low blow. Don’t let the anger speak for you,” she insisted.

“I see Rikki’s pep talks are starting to rub off on you.”

“And Deacon and Boozer’s recklessness has been reawakened in you,” she shot back. “You finally calmed down after they left. I hate to say it, but the two of them leaving saved your life. You would do just about anything to try and catch Deacon’s eye and when he finally mentioned Sarah, you were crushed. It hurt me to see you like that, but we built you back up after they left and I don’t wanna see my sister like that again.”

“I don’t give a shit about Deacon. When he left, he took whatever feelings I had left for him with him and dumped them wherever he disappeared to.”

“Then why did you react so strongly when you saw him again?” Addy asked before she pursed her lips and stared right into me. 

“We all thought he was dead. It was like seeing a ghost,” I said with a shrug. Addy rolled her eyes and let out a sigh.

“I’m not gonna babysit you this time, Tessa. Just...try and keep your head on straight. If not for anyone, do it for me?” she suggested. “And maybe wash up, too? You smell like swamp ass.”

I laughed once as I bit into my Apple then held my arms open wide. “Gimme a hug.”

Addy scoffed then smiled and opened the door to leave. “Goodnight, swamp ass.”


	4. Chapter 4

It was humid over the lake, but I didn't mind it. I had perimeter guard duty not far from the front gate and with the sun starting its slow descent in the sky for the late afternoon, I was catching a face full of it. I leaned back in the chair then closed my eyes, letting the rays warm my skin. A sound none of us heard too often made my ears prick. The tread of tires on asphalt. I opened my eyes then bolted to my feet, toppling over the metal chair behind me. Wisps of gray exhaust licked at the air over the road in the distance. An army green convoy truck came into clear view as it reached the top of the hill. I switched the safety off my rifle.

“We got company at the main gate,” I heard another guard announce over the radio perched on the desk to my left. I turned around to see Deacon on his way to the gate with Iron Mike, Boozer, and Skizzo a few paces behind him. None of them seemed as alarmed as me. Boozer branched off from the group and started up the ladder to join me on my post.

“You know who that is at the gate?” I asked Boozer as he joined me on the platform. His brow was creased with worry, but he didn’t speak. I watched as Iron Mike motioned for the gate to be opened and the other perimeter guard did as he was instructed, pulling open the gate so the convoy truck could slowly roll inside. Skizzo pushed the entrance shut and locked it. Iron Mike popped open the driver’s side door and a blonde woman nearly came tumbling out.

“Is she alright?” I asked no one in particular. With no hesitation, the woman hurried around the front of the truck and Deacon threw his arms around her in a tight embrace, lifting her from the ground with his eyes closed and a smile on his face. My stomach dropped to the balls of my feet.

“Tess?”

I heard Boozer call my name but I couldn’t look away. The woman’s hands held Deacon’s face close and she pulled him in for a long kiss. Deacon’s arms wrapped around her frame tighter than I thought possible. I finally blinked away from the reunion and turned my back to them so I could look out across the quiet marsh.

“Tess, you okay?” Boozer asked. I nodded as I chewed my bottom lip.

“That’s-“

“I know,” I cut him off before he could say anything else. “I thought she was...”

“Yeah, he did too. We both did, but we found her while we were up north. There was this other camp. Long gone since we handled them, but that’s not a worry now. I’m worried about you.”

I turned around to face him with a tight smile etched into my face. I shrugged.

“I’m fine,” I lied.

“You can’t lie to me,” he countered.

“If she’s here, then I take it you and Deacon are staying?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he answered, his dark eyes trained on me. I slowly nodded and scratched my head. I needed to go. I needed to be alone. I felt like I was on fire.

“Can you take my watch spot for like fifteen minutes?” I asked. Before he could answer, I handed him the rifle and climbed down the ladder. The closer I got to the ground, the tighter my throat choked me as I stifled back tears. My chin trembled and my lips were curved.

“You’re on watch! Where’re you going?” Skizzo barked as I hurried past a few feet away from the reunion. I couldn’t make myself answer him, afraid my voice would give away the control I currently had over my emotions.

“Contessa!” Iron Mike called. I disappeared on the other side of camp then pushed into my cabin, slamming the door behind me. I stood in the middle of the room with a hand pressed into my aching chest as I cried. My mouth was open but I couldn’t make any noise until I sucked in a deep breath to sob. My knees gave out and I was on all fours, blubbering and angry. I felt like I could vomit. I snatched one of my boots and threw it across the room in frustration. 

* * *

I woke up on my cot inside my cabin a while later. I didn't fully remember leaving my post. I remembered talking to Boozer then... I let out a deep sigh. Sarah. Sarah was here. Sarah was alive. I should have been happy to hear about one less person succumbing to the sickness, the landscape or the looters. 

I splashed water on my face from the sink and tried to pull myself together. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy. My throat was raw and it hurt to swallow. I should have been happy, grateful. Across the room, a brown paper bag that hadn’t been there earlier sat on the counter. My name was written on it in my sister’s writing. I threw back the thin sheet then shivered in the cool room. My eyes caught sight of the broken window not far from the head of my cot. My boot was lying underneath it.

I wrapped my arms tight around myself and pushed outside. Life went on outside of my cabin. The sun had set but the day wasn’t over. I could hear the strum of Tyler’s guitar not far away. The low buzz of idle chatter was in the air. I grabbed a few pieces of firewood from the side of my cabin and tossed them in the pit by my front door. I dug up a match and started a fire in the pit then plopped down in a chair facing it.

I stared at the fire crackling in the pit in front of me, mouth glued shut and mind racing as I twiddled my thumbs in my lap. I wanted to leave again; to uproot myself from the circus rolling in. There was no point in dwelling on any of it too long or too hard. There was more to worry about. There was so much more.

“Can I sit?”

I shifted my eyes from the fire to Deacon, who I had heard quietly approach. He eyed the empty chair to my right. I never said anything. He hesitated then sat down anyway. Boozer couldn’t be far or else he wouldn’t have joined me. I looked right back into the fire.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a few moments of silence. I exhaled hard through my nose.

“I knew Sarah wasn’t... I left you behind and it was... I can be a real jerk. I'm sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. That is your wife. It’s cool,” I finally spoke. The smoothness in my tone made him wince.

“I know you well enough to know you’re lying,” he remarked, an edge to his words. “Look at me.”

My chin started to tremble but I grit my teeth to stiffen my lip. I focused on the wooden embers popping at the bottom of the pit.

“Tessa.”

My jaw hurt from biting down so hard. I wanted to get up and go. Anywhere. The other side of the camp. The other side of the world.

“Look at me, Contessa.”

He looped his pointer finger around my chin and made me look at him. His face softened just slightly when he noticed my expression struggling to stay together.

“I care about you,” he said. I pushed away his hand and turned my face as a single tear escaped to line my cheek. I swiped it away with the back of my hand.

“Y’know, when Addy first told me you were staying, I was freaking out. Knowing you were back after leaving the way you did? After thinking you were dead all that time? It just didn’t sit quite right. I haven’t slept a wink since you got back. But now, finally knowing Sarah’s alive and here? Now, I have the biggest hankering to get back in bed and sleep like a baby,” I seethed. “Because now I know there aren’t gonna be anymore games.”

His thick eyebrows knitted together over his hazel eyes and he watched me speak with a grimace.

“I care about you?” I echoed back to him with a scoff. “What’s that even mean?”

“It means exactly that,” he was quick to speak up. “I don’t want you doing anything crazy. It’ll hurt me to see you hurt.”

“I’m hurt right now, Deek. What’s it matter?” I shot back. He deflated into his chair and threw up his hands.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, struggling to keep his voice low as his frustration grew. “I am sorry that I thought I would never see my wife again. I am sorry I got your- _our_ hopes up.”

I chuckled then shook my head. He sat up straighter in his chair, his elbows on his knees and his hands gesticulating wildly as he tried to piece together an explanation strong enough to keep me calm.

“I’m hurt too, Contessa. I don’t want you to think I’m some asshole-“

“Too late.”

“-who left you out to dry so I could go chasing a ghost-“

“TOO LATE.”

“-but I couldn’t leave her. I could never do that to her. I love her.”

I nodded one time and clapped my hands together in applause. “Beautiful performance, Deacon. Really. Anything else you’d like to add?”

He didn’t speak as he quietly fumed.

"So where is she?" I asked. My eyes darted around the dim campgrounds. "Should I introduce myself as the woman you fucked in her absence?”

His hand shot out and he grabbed my wrist as I pushed to my feet.

"Calm down," he slowly warned me. I raised an eyebrow. He released my wrist and stood to look down his nose at me. I had a string of expletives ready to drop from my tongue, but I chose to keep them to myself. Instead, I swiped up the pail full of water not far from where we stood and doused out the flame of the fire pit. I could barely make out the expression on his face in the dim moonlight.

"Good night," I shot over my shoulder as I pushed into my cabin and closed the door in his face for a second time.


End file.
